The heart of our loneliness is revealed through how we cope in the world, how we deal with feelings of overwhelm, and in the stories we tell ourselves.  Our coping is often secret and can make us feel shameful because we know it’s not aligned with who we are or what we truly want.  For me, that was many years of eating ice cream and watching movies even as I wanted to lose weight and be more engaged in the world.  My unconscious drive for self-protection and my inability to realize that the stories in my head about myself and others weren’t based in truth but in perception, kept me feeling an inner loneliness for a long time.  Eventually, I went on my own path of healing and discovered what was at the root of my coping, what wounds I was unsuccessfully and unconsciously trying to heal, and I learned to pay more attention to my emotions and intuition then the stories in my head. 

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As a grief counselor and therapist, I witnessed so many other people struggling with their own secret, inner loneliness, even while being successful in the world.  And I saw very similar patterns playing out over and over again with my clients—the drive for self-protection, the repeating stories, the feeling of being stuck and unable to fully pursue what they really wanted. It fostered a desire in me to help explain the universal nature of this experience, to help people move out of coping, and to help others learn the skills and information needed to begin building a life they truly want to be living. ​